DON'T SAY "NO" TO A CHILD

On 23rd nov. IWS parents and mentors got an opportunity to interact with renowned psychologist, school development consultant and head of Shikshanter schools Mr. Sunil Batra. He shared his experiences and answered the queries of the parents.
He shared that saying no to a child is the most detrimental to her growth. Instead of saying no to touch hot tea...tell her where to touch it from. Open her mind---a tree doesn't have to be only brown and green.

Failure is a result of our upbringing, not due to books and schooling. Teach her how to reason, and reason with her, not just saying “no” to everything. Confidence and trust- can only happen when you give time, not being busy emotionally, psychologically and physically.

A parent had a query about how to bring up the child when the parents are working, and don't have time for the child. To which he replied that- one parent should be working less hours. even upto 18 yrs of age! later ages- even then the child needs the parent in the background. It is possible to work from home now with IT. If you have brought a child in the world, you should make sure that you bring her up in the right way. Men too can take care of the child now, since they can also now work from home. Grandparents can be a good support system, but the parents have to settle and compromise on certain things in the interest of the child. Joint families are the best environment.

Children like to read stories, and they shouldn't be kept off the books due to fear of getting torn. They learn from what the parents do at home, the way they read and handle paper and pencil. There is a meaning in what they scribble..."this is my name", and then show him how to write her name. Then she will identify the letters visually.

Not saying no doesn't mean that you can't say no to anything. She has to take enough sleep time (9 hours) and break from play. Parents will have to sacrifice habits like TV so that they can spend time with the child.

Let a child commit mistakes...and correct them. This will make them learn new things. Don’t expect them to be perfect from the beginning...even the parent was not perfect. It is probably the effect of advertisements and hoardings that show the perfect child.

Akkad, bakkad bambey bo is one of the best rhymes that touches math, language etc.Cinema halls are not for children. Loud volume and large screen is not for the child. Like in the school at Indus World School, you will have to create the right environment at your home too, that will not scare off a child.

Inferiority complex in children is a result of non-availability of the right space. Don’t ask them to emulate you, which will make them under confident. He is not your shadow. Don’t put pressure on the child on even things like how much to eat, and when. Child may not have developed a taste for a certain fruit. So just make sure that she eats what she likes.

Don’t make the child eat something as blackmail. MSG is addictive that is available in every canned food. Don’t eat junk food more than once a week, and make the rule for yourself too.

Uniform in a school....doesn't have to be for any class! Indus doesn't have uniform till Class 2, but I am associated with a school that doesn't have a uniform till class 12. Don’t over clothe them. Let them wear cloths that will allow them to breathe. Good doctors tell you- make them wear the same number of layers as you are wearing. This will make them become more resistant.

Marks are not important. Rewards and punishments are the worst forms of education. It was used on dogs training. It was used when people had to be sent into wars, and they had to be forced to follow rules. How many times we ask a child as to whether he has understood or not, and where he hasn't understood. We don't have patience to listen to the child. We need to really work hard, just as the mentors work hard at Indus.

A parent shared that her child was made to take a test in KG, which put her off, and hence she decided to get her admitted in Indus. What if she gets transferred? She wondered if the govt should make a rule that there shouldn't be having tests for primary classes at least. Mr. Batra said that there are now some schools in most cities that follow this philosophy. But there aren't enough bold educators to take these steps. The parents should continue to expect this kind of education wherever they go. They should constructively put pressure on the schools to change themselves.

Most parents like to put children into an "assured" system, and not take risks. Parents should ask themselves why they want their child to get educated. Is it for career and earning potential, or is it for marks?

CBSE has been trying to introduce changes for 15 yrs, but only now Kapil Sibbal is trying to take those bold steps.

Children learn Zidd from the parents. Reason it out for any kind of demand. If you promise the child that you will give that toy tomorrow. Make sure that you do that the next day; otherwise it will grow up into more intense problems. "Delayed gratification" is the right way to handle Zidd.

Parents only write in forms that they watch NG and Discovery. Actually, the children keep watching Tom & jerry and then try it out in the class and home, and become aggressive. Another major reason is the conflicts among the parents. Children try to say something, and if you lose patience in her stammering, you will lose her trust

Comparison and inequitable treatment among siblings, unfair treatment in class and under confidence in children are reasons for aggression too.

No two children are alike. Don’t compare. Its a very bad way of teaching differences. Try to highlight the positive things in the child, not the weaknesses. Teach children to compete with themselves, not with others. Human beings are made to collaborate, not compete meaninglessly. Sachin Tendulkar wouldn't have achieved what he did by worrying about competing with Gavaskar. He doesn't take phone calls one hour before his match. That’s his dedication.

We need to understand that everyone can do well, not just the topper! Don’t worry about what your child will do in a longer term. There is enough space for everyone, if you do what you like to do.

Don’t undermine your children and yourself. Even if you think you are not showing it to her, you may still be passing on your thoughts to her unknowingly.

Boys and girls are different not because they are, but because we expect them to behave in a certain way.